Paul Allen
What brought that change? An essay he handed out to us as we left called "Else and Other: A Nonwriter Addresses the Nonwriters at a Writers' Conference."
Here's the book Paul's essay is printed in
It's an essay/speech he wrote for the 1995 Charleston Writers' Conference and it is brilliant. Brilliant. He begins with the line:
All my life I wanted to be somewhere else.
I think anyone who aspires to be a writer can empathize with this. Writers are famous for being malcontents. W are great at imagining lives bigger, grander, more beautiful than the one we are living. I've heard over and over that being a writer, an artist of any kind, is a personal choice, a sacrifice that takes extreme devotion to the craft at the cost of destroying close relationships and becoming isolated from those that once loved you.
I've thought about this so many times wondering what I would do if I had to choose between my boyfriend and family, or my writing. I could never give up on writing. I love it. I also love Trey and I want to believe that my love for writing does not negate the possibility of a happy marriage and close family. Trust me, I've been told I'd have to choose.
Paul's essay changed my perspective entirely. He calls himself a "nonwriter" because he doesn't want to define himself as any one thing. He writes of a shift saying
...all my nouns (husband, poet, teacher) become verbs. I teach. I write some poems. I fix a thing or two around the house. I'm not the great I Am, but I am my I am (as in Frost's "Iota Subscript), and I accept that none of these activities is who I am. And if any one of them (or all) had to be consciously and willfully sacrificed...so be it. Each brings joy only if I don't ask it to, only if I see it as a minor activity under a larger peace.
A larger peace. Hmmmm. The idea of turning your nouns into verbs really stuck with me, so I wrote my own list of examples:
- I am not a writer, but I'm currently writing.
- I am not a girfriend, but when I'm with Trey, you could say I'm girlfriending.
- I am not a student, but when I have to do work or go to class, I am studenting.
- I am not a daughter, but when I'm talking to my Mom and Dad, I'm daughtering.
I'll close with a quote by Walt Whitman that Paul includes in his essay:
From this hour I ordain myself loos'd of limits and imaginary lines.
Mmmm. I love it. I hope this can inspire my fellow artists, or really just anyone.
I really appreciate you sticking with this long post...Thanks!
Chelsea
Chelsea -- I love this article on being a non-writer, and verbing instead of labeling our many selves. I am enchanted by this idea of being a non-writer. I hate the idea that by following your passion you must never put anyone else first, that it inherently destroys or supercedes all other relationships and passions in life. I don't think it takes that kind of selfishness to be devoted to it, or be great at it. And I suspect that the propogation of that belief causes many to turn away from fully exploring their passions, whether it be writing, art, etc., for fear of losing all else, or even losing self. Perhaps this martyrish ideology is a bluff -- an excuse for those who love their art to push all other responsibilities aside, to avoid accountability for their other failings, to give them an excuse to avoid the stickiness of real life; and to elevate them above others who have succeeded both in their art and in their personal lives -- that is, they can say, "Yes, you are good, but you haven't earned the right to be great because you didn't suffer (and cause the suffering of others) for your art." :>)
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